I’m overwhelmed.

A lot has happened in the last few months. *chuckles* It feels like I lead with that line a lot, but honestly I’m a little overwhelmed with all of this.

In my latest update post, I made a confession that was hard to do. I thought, how do I bring something like that up? And to be truthful, it’s been difficult to admit it out loud.

I didn’t really notice or understand how badly the situation had affected me and it’s still very hard to talk about. It still feels very real. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see certain things the same way. Sometimes I’ll think of things or I’ll see things that just remind me of things I wish I could just forget about. It’s like a bruise that’ll hurt forever but for different reasons and at random times.

I hurt for others. I hurt for all of those who live through what I went through every day of their lives. I see things now in public or online and it hurts a lot. I hurt because I’m more nervous and anxious than usual. I still flinch in certain situations. I’m sensitive to certain topics or subjects. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s all still very traumatic. And most of it is irrational.

I find myself reminding myself that I’m not living that kind of life anymore. Reassuring myself that whatever happened will never happen again. That I’m safe now. 🙂 And I know all of this to be true, but it just hasn’t settled my anxiety yet.

But that’s not what’s overwhelming me the most. It’s not the sadness and anxiety, it’s the amount of happiness and joy that I’ve felt that’s what’s most overwhelming.

I learned to love again. Like really LOVE!

I’m seeing someone new. And he’s absolutely amazing. This guy encourages me to listen to music. Encourages me to just sit down and write. He’ll sing songs with me on the radio. He’s been the one to help me learn how to love again. He’s taught me how to love myself and everything that makes me, me. The amount of support and love he’s shown me has been overwhelming. I don’t even think he knows how much of a dream these last few weeks have been. He has not the slightest idea how much he’s helped me. There just aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am to have him around.

I regained my love of music. I listen to music in the car now. I also put on music while I’m by myself at home. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Like, I could honestly burst into tears. Joyful tears. Because, as I type this I’m sitting by myself listening to music. Something I had long forgotten how, or wasn’t allowed, to do. I had forgotten how to love music. How crazy is that? I’m shaking my head while re-reading it.

I’ve regained my love of writing. The ideas flow so smoothly out of my mind now. It was like I had a writer’s block that was so dense I never thought I’d write again. A blank page was so daunting. Now a blank page is a challenge, it’s so much just waiting to written out. All these ideas that I’ve had on the back burners in my mind are bursting through and my brain wants to write it all out. Get these stories out there fast!

And all of this freaks me out. I went from a point so low in my life to this! Within just a couple months. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before. My friends and family have been such a great support group. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I am just so, so grateful.

I’d like to thank my mom who came over for my birthday. It was a short visit but it was so perfect. My mother is one of my biggest inspirations and having her around helped me survive this huge event in my life. Also, a giant shout out to Heather. She’s been by my side through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Girl, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! .

To all my friends and family, you’ve all saved me. I am so thankful for having all of you in my life.

Gah, I know, I know. So serious, so deep. I’ll stop now. I’m making myself cry from being so darn happy. Sheesh. ❤

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Animal Farm by George Orwell

animal farm

I read this a while back. I can’t even remember. Before Christmas?

Because I went to a french school, I missed out on a lot of those classic junior high – high school english books. Animal farm was one of them.

This book was so small it took me one night to read it front to back and I was very surprised. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just knew it was popular so I went for it. Now I understand why everyone does this book in high school and such. It was great!

It would be so easy to find some great materials for a book report. This is definitely a read between the lines kind of book.

I’m not going to spoil too much of the story but basically it’s about the animals on a farm that are fed up with being just that. They want to own the farm, run it themselves. So they do just that. Things happen obviously… The animal’s true colours started to show and things don’t go as planned… Those damn pigs.

It was a great book!

I’d give it a solid 7 out of 10. Good book. Not my go to style but easy to read and understand. Litterally anyone can bond over this book.

A lot has happened.

I’ve been trying to write this post for a long time now. How do I start it. I have so much on my mind. So much to say.

At first I thought well I should just say everything. In one long post. Explain exactly what has happened to me. Explain exactly how I feel. I realise now that it’s too much. It’s too much to write it all down in one sitting. It’s physically and mentally too exhausting.

I was abused.

I didn’t even realise what was happening at first. I didn’t see all the red flags. Almost a full year I stayed with that guy… He poisoned my mind. Told me I wasn’t good enough, told me I was bringing all of this upon myself. The insults, the cruelty, the hitting. It was all my fault. I won’t go into details because they truly are horrifying.

So it’s done. I got out of the toxic relationship that almost ruined me. Almost.

You see, I’m not this horrible person that he made me believe that I was. I’m not useless, stupid, dumb or pathetic.

I’m so much more than that. I’m nice, smart, lovable, talented, honest, etc. I’m a good person. And I almost forgot how great I was… I can’t believe I almost let this man control my life and change the way I think about myself.

Leaving him has changed my life around. I listen to music again, I have the itch to write again. I sing songs again. I smile now. I’ve become so strong and confident.

My advice to you:

If you’re in a relationship and you’re having doubts. Leave. Relationships are hard sometimes, but loving someone shouldn’t be hard. Love is supposed to come easily. If whoever you’re with puts you down and doesn’t support you and what you believe in. Leave him or her. It isn’t worth your time to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy. And if ever you are touched or hurt physically, you leave that person immediately. No ifs ands or buts. No matter how much he or she tells you they love you. You should never ever have to be hurt. (unless you’re into some weird sex stuff). Don’t let anyone lay a hand on you. If you’re having a hard time leaving a relationship, find someone you can trust. Get the help you need and leave that person. You’re worth it. Trust me, you are worth so much more than that.

 

 

After You By Jojo Moyes

After YouAfter You is the sequel to the book Me Before You by Jojo Moyes and for some reason, I was completely unaware that it was going to be released.  So, when I found out about it just a few weeks before its release date, I was excited!

Now before I tell you my own personal thoughts about this book, you should really go out there and read Me Before You, or any of her other books. She’s a fabulous author and you’re sure to fall in love with her. I do hope she continues the way she’s going, because I’m loving every minute of it.

Moving on,  I began reading After You not really sure about how the story would unravel because of the way the previous book had ended. What could possibly be added to Louisa’s story. Sure enough, Jojo Moyes threw in a major plot twist that continued to keep you hooked on the story. I can’t say what and I can’t say how, but something happened that changed Louisa’s world forever, again!  The story was fantastic, easy to understand, the content was well distributed so you were never sitting through boring chapters, wishing the darn thing would just end already. That’s partially why I love this author though, her writing is just so clear and to the point.  No need to bust your brain to try and understand what she is talking about. And most importantly, not boring! Because I have a hard time as it is finding an Adult Fiction book that I can fall in love with instantly.

So please, if you haven’t done so already, read Me Before You. Or any of Jojo Moyes’ book. I’m serious! You’ll love them!

Ouu I almost forgot to mention that Me Before You is going to be a movie soon, and I can tell you now, it’s going to be a tear jerker. And with the way After You was written, I can totally see it being turned into a movie as well.

I’ll be giving this book a 9 out of 10. Because it was fantastic but not nearly as jaw dropping as the first one. Now go out there and find yourself a copy. I wasn’t joking. Do it! Just do it!

The Radley’s by Matt Haig

theradleysI’d been eyeing this book on the shelf for a long time. Seeing as I loved the Humans by Matt Haig I really wanted to try something else to see what it was like. I ended up buying the book on a whim and it took me a long time to finish it due to a busy schedule, oh and Netflix.

The Radleys was good. It’s located in the horror section so I was expecting a little more you know, horror? And that really didn’t happen. Which I am totally fine with. But I liked this book and I wasn’t let down with Matt Haig’s work.

The story is about this modern family that goes about their daily lives in a small town and they try to fit in. As the book starts, you find out that Peter and Helen’s marriage isn’t doing so well. And that their kids are victims of extreme bullying at school. But the real culprit here was blood. They were all vampires and they were abstaining themselves of blood. The worst part? The kids didn’t even know they were vampires. It had been a secret to them until something happens… and I won’t go on and ruin the rest of the story for you guys.

If you’re looking for a real horror story don’t read this, because it wasn’t really that terrifying. Matt Haig is great though, I love the way he writes. His chapters usually aren’t that long and they are always to the point. There is never any baloney in there. You don’t waste your time reading useless information that has no relation to the actual story. His work is clear precise and clever. I love it. I just breeze right through his novels and love every minute of it.

I still think my favorite out of the two is The Humans, but that’s probably because it was so original and unique.

I will be giving this title a 8 out of 10. Still great but not perfect. Everyone seriously go read this guy.

Interview no.2 with Natalie LeBlanc

Good to have you back Natalie, how have you been lately?I’m fine, if you ignore all the bills, unbearable heat and the fact that my phone is broken…

Bah, that’s life right? Your phone is broken that sucks what happened?It won’t work anymore! The screen is broken… It started going all wonky and I knew it was going to happen. I just didn’t want to believe it so I pretended like it was going to fix itself. Honestly, I think I’m the reason why it broke in the first place. I was addicted to this game called Tap Titans. Seriously don’t download, it you’ll just waste your life away on that game… So addicting!

So you were playing an app and it broke your phone? Essentially yes, the phone kept overheating until it shut down! So I’m almost 100% sure that’s the reason why it broke. You know, I should have probably stopped playing it, but I had to level up, always had to level up.

How are you surviving without a phone?It’s been hard, not gonna lie. I don’t have my usual ‘Super Mario Underwater Theme’ ringtone to wake me up so I feel totally out of it all the time. Plus, now I need to write things down and carry an actual day planner. Haha just kidding, I think the hardest part is just not being able to communicate with friends and family. Oh and the instagrams! I need me the instagrams!!!

Sounds tough, what are you going to do? Well, my current phone plan is supposed to be done this October so I was thinking of switching companies. Because let’s be honest, who is ever satisfied with their current phone service… But as I’ve been looking around I’m not finding anything better than what I already have. And if I do find something else,  I’ll find something I won’t like about them either so I’ll probably just stay with what I have.

Anything else we should know about before we rap this up? Not really, I’m doing well, finally made some friends and I know my way around the area a little more. I almost got a dog, but that didn’t work out, so now I’m setting up all of the YouTube stuff and I’ll be ready to record and post sometime this week hopefully!

Almost got a dog? What happened? Yeah, I had found the cutest little thing online and I got really excited over it until it turned out to be a scam. Those cruel meanies.

Aww, that’s a shame. But YouTube you said? Finally starting that up? Yes ma’am! New computer is set up, new mic is ready to go. Just need to do a little filming and editing and we should be golden.

Well thank you so much for your time and hope everything goes well! Thank you for having me, though I feel a little crazy talking to myself once again.