I’m overwhelmed.

A lot has happened in the last few months. *chuckles* It feels like I lead with that line a lot, but honestly I’m a little overwhelmed with all of this.

In my latest update post, I made a confession that was hard to do. I thought, how do I bring something like that up? And to be truthful, it’s been difficult to admit it out loud.

I didn’t really notice or understand how badly the situation had affected me and it’s still very hard to talk about. It still feels very real. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see certain things the same way. Sometimes I’ll think of things or I’ll see things that just remind me of things I wish I could just forget about. It’s like a bruise that’ll hurt forever but for different reasons and at random times.

I hurt for others. I hurt for all of those who live through what I went through every day of their lives. I see things now in public or online and it hurts a lot. I hurt because I’m more nervous and anxious than usual. I still flinch in certain situations. I’m sensitive to certain topics or subjects. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s all still very traumatic. And most of it is irrational.

I find myself reminding myself that I’m not living that kind of life anymore. Reassuring myself that whatever happened will never happen again. That I’m safe now. 🙂 And I know all of this to be true, but it just hasn’t settled my anxiety yet.

But that’s not what’s overwhelming me the most. It’s not the sadness and anxiety, it’s the amount of happiness and joy that I’ve felt that’s what’s most overwhelming.

I learned to love again. Like really LOVE!

I’m seeing someone new. And he’s absolutely amazing. This guy encourages me to listen to music. Encourages me to just sit down and write. He’ll sing songs with me on the radio. He’s been the one to help me learn how to love again. He’s taught me how to love myself and everything that makes me, me. The amount of support and love he’s shown me has been overwhelming. I don’t even think he knows how much of a dream these last few weeks have been. He has not the slightest idea how much he’s helped me. There just aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am to have him around.

I regained my love of music. I listen to music in the car now. I also put on music while I’m by myself at home. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Like, I could honestly burst into tears. Joyful tears. Because, as I type this I’m sitting by myself listening to music. Something I had long forgotten how, or wasn’t allowed, to do. I had forgotten how to love music. How crazy is that? I’m shaking my head while re-reading it.

I’ve regained my love of writing. The ideas flow so smoothly out of my mind now. It was like I had a writer’s block that was so dense I never thought I’d write again. A blank page was so daunting. Now a blank page is a challenge, it’s so much just waiting to written out. All these ideas that I’ve had on the back burners in my mind are bursting through and my brain wants to write it all out. Get these stories out there fast!

And all of this freaks me out. I went from a point so low in my life to this! Within just a couple months. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before. My friends and family have been such a great support group. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I am just so, so grateful.

I’d like to thank my mom who came over for my birthday. It was a short visit but it was so perfect. My mother is one of my biggest inspirations and having her around helped me survive this huge event in my life. Also, a giant shout out to Heather. She’s been by my side through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Girl, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! .

To all my friends and family, you’ve all saved me. I am so thankful for having all of you in my life.

Gah, I know, I know. So serious, so deep. I’ll stop now. I’m making myself cry from being so darn happy. Sheesh. ❤

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I gotta step up my game.

If you guys haven’t noticed, I haven’t been doing much posting anymore.

Here’s the catch. University is a handful and I’m not talking just the studying. You have your whole social life as well as school work. I’ve met some amazing people here in University. Everyone from my floor is so awesome and supportive and we do a lot together. I don’t know what I would have done these last couple of weeks without them. We’ve had good laughs as well as some feel good crying moments.

I’m having so much fun here. There is just so much to do compared to my little home town. The mall is a 10 minute walk away, I can get basically anywhere with the bus.  I am also learning how tough it is to keep up good grades in university. I’ll be honest, I am not doing perfectly (no one should) but I wish I was doing a little bit better than where I am at the moment. I’m trying the best I can and that’s all I can do, right?

All of the social and academic stuff aside, I have also been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about what I wanted to do with my life and if I was making the right choices.

1st major change: I have decided to switch my minor in music for a minor in English. I’ve realized that music classes here are intense and not really for me.

2nd major change: I don’t play video games that much anymore. I do on my spare time but not often. I decided to not do the whole Youtube thing. Yeah it was cool and fun, but it drained a lot of my spare time that I could have used to study.

3rd major change: I really want to finish writing my book so I am really trying to sit down and just keep on writing. I have all the ideas, it’s just taking the time to actually write them all down that’s taking a bit of convincing.

…sigh… Big changes eh?

I also have some very exciting announcements to make:

1. I have the new Pokémon game and I am almost done of it.

2. I am almost done Christmas shopping for Adam, my sister and my mom.

3. I HAVE A NEW PHONE!!! So now I’m on Snapchat and Instagram and I’m just so excited about it.  (To make a long story short, I was having many difficulties getting a new phone and this fairy god mother basically gave me a brand new Google Nexus 4 for free with a case and all I had to pay for was the 65 dollar warranty which is NOTHING!

PHIEW! That was a mouthful (wordfull).

Now you know what’s going on with my life.

Here are some more words of knowledge:

Pinterest will take over your life so beware if you are using it during class…

Do the best you can. If you get a bad note, study harder and always give your 100%. The only way you truly fail, in my opinion, is if you don’t try.

-Natalie ❤

Mario Party 1, 2 and 3 for N64

Mario Party 1,2 and 3 for N64First of all, I will start by explaining that I got my Nintendo 64 from a family member and they gave me all of their extra games. It wasn’t much but I managed to salvage other games from pawn shops or flea markets.

I originally had Mario Party 2 then I bought the two other ones. Mario Party isn’t like your average platform based Mario game. Mario Party is more like a role playing game where you play as a character and you go around a board game while trying to collect stars and coins.

The stars can be purchased at a certain area on the board and you have to get there in order to buy it. (It always costed 20 coins unless if the rules had special exceptions but that only happens later on in the mario party series.) Coins were either collected on special places on the board or if you won mini games. The mini games were my favorite part. They are pretty simple and easy to master but whoever invented them was incredibly creative. If you won the mini game, you received a certain amount of coins.  You won the game by having the most stars.

It’s a pretty simple concept for a game. Great to play with friends or family members. I recommend these games for anyone but if you find that someone is too young and that they get frustrated easily… you can add a handicap to help them out a little. (I’ve had experience when playing with my little sister. haha)

I give these 3 games a 10 out of 10.

And so I’m off.

Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to my mother and my sister because my dad was driving me all the way to Ottawa so I could live with my boyfriend for a week before starting university. Man it wasn’t easy saying goodbye to my friends and family.

I went around the neighborhood and started saying my goodbyes giving last pieces of advice. I want to say that I’ll see everyone again but to be completely honest with you, that might not be possible. Growing up with these people my entire life and in an instant I may never see them again. Graduation was tough because I know it was the last time I will see many of my friends. It doesn’t help when you went to a small school with a graduating class of just over 20 and you’ve been with those 20 people your entire life.

Saying goodbye to my family was the worse though. We were so close. Ate dinner around the table every night and had hilarious conversations. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect family for me. My sister and I got along very well, we played video games together, could talk about anything, had almost all the same interests…(I don’t like country music). My little cousin came to see me on the night before I left and she gave me the cutest card with a poem that broke my heart.

I said goodbye to my dad this morning and that was it. The last of my goodbyes. He is proud of me and knows I will do well so that made me happy.

Here’s tip number three:

When you say your goodbyes, keep them light and uplifting. You aren’t dying, you’re moving out. It’s supposed to be exciting.

It’s funny how I feel like I’m going to die. All of my aunts and uncles were saying how it was the last time I would do this and that. Haha. I will be back there soon though, really soon. And I’m really excited to be moving out and starting this new chapter in my life. It will be exciting and challenging and fresh. Which is exactly what I needed.

Here is a picture of all the things I am bringing with me… all that im bringing

I know, it’s a lot… That’s not including my basket of clothes, bag of hangers and yoga mat, printer, little stool and pillow!

I’m so excited to get moved in!!!! This will be so much fun!

Here is tip number four:

Don’t pack everything you own. If you do, you’ll end up like me and have to repack everything three times and go through every item and really contemplate if I absolutely need it or not.