I’m overwhelmed.

A lot has happened in the last few months. *chuckles* It feels like I lead with that line a lot, but honestly I’m a little overwhelmed with all of this.

In my latest update post, I made a confession that was hard to do. I thought, how do I bring something like that up? And to be truthful, it’s been difficult to admit it out loud.

I didn’t really notice or understand how badly the situation had affected me and it’s still very hard to talk about. It still feels very real. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see certain things the same way. Sometimes I’ll think of things or I’ll see things that just remind me of things I wish I could just forget about. It’s like a bruise that’ll hurt forever but for different reasons and at random times.

I hurt for others. I hurt for all of those who live through what I went through every day of their lives. I see things now in public or online and it hurts a lot. I hurt because I’m more nervous and anxious than usual. I still flinch in certain situations. I’m sensitive to certain topics or subjects. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s all still very traumatic. And most of it is irrational.

I find myself reminding myself that I’m not living that kind of life anymore. Reassuring myself that whatever happened will never happen again. That I’m safe now. ūüôā And I know all of this to be true, but it just hasn’t settled my anxiety yet.

But that’s not what’s overwhelming me the most. It’s not the sadness and anxiety, it’s the amount of happiness and joy that I’ve felt that’s what’s most overwhelming.

I learned to love again. Like really LOVE!

I’m seeing someone new. And he’s absolutely amazing. This guy encourages me to listen to music. Encourages me to just sit down and write. He’ll sing songs with me on the radio. He’s been the one to help me learn how to love again. He’s taught me how to love myself and everything that makes me, me. The amount of support and love he’s shown me has been overwhelming. I don’t even think he knows how much of a dream these last few weeks have been. He has not the slightest idea how much he’s helped me. There just aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am to have him around.

I regained my love of music. I listen to music in the car now. I also put on music while I’m by myself at home. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Like, I could honestly burst into tears. Joyful tears. Because, as I type this I’m sitting by myself listening to music. Something I had long forgotten how, or wasn’t allowed, to do. I had forgotten how to love music. How crazy is that? I’m shaking my head while re-reading it.

I’ve regained my love of writing. The ideas flow so smoothly out of my mind now. It was like I had a writer’s block that was so dense I never thought I’d write again. A blank page was so daunting. Now a blank page is a challenge, it’s so much just waiting to written out. All these ideas that I’ve had on the back burners in my mind are bursting through and my brain wants to write it all out. Get these stories out there fast!

And all of this freaks me out. I went from a point so low in my life to this! Within just a couple months. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before. My friends and family have been such a great support group. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I am just so, so grateful.

I’d like to thank my mom who came over for my birthday. It was a short visit but it was so perfect. My mother is one of my biggest inspirations and having her around helped me survive this huge event in my life. Also, a giant shout out to Heather. She’s been by my side through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Girl, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! .

To all my friends and family, you’ve all saved me. I am so thankful for having all of you in my life.

Gah, I know, I know. So serious, so deep. I’ll stop now. I’m making myself cry from being so darn happy. Sheesh. ‚̧

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A lot has happened.

I’ve been trying to write this post for a long time now. How do I start it. I have so much on my mind. So much to say.

At first I thought well I should just say everything. In one long post. Explain exactly what has happened to me. Explain exactly how I feel. I realise now that it’s too much. It’s too much to write it all down in one sitting. It’s physically and mentally too exhausting.

I was abused.

I didn’t even realise what was happening at first. I didn’t see all the red flags. Almost a full year I stayed with that guy… He poisoned my mind. Told me I wasn’t good enough, told me I was bringing all of this upon myself. The insults, the cruelty, the hitting. It was all my fault. I won’t go into details because they truly are horrifying.

So it’s done. I got out of the toxic relationship that almost ruined me. Almost.

You see, I’m not this horrible person that he made me believe that I was. I’m not useless, stupid, dumb or pathetic.

I’m so much more than that. I’m nice, smart, lovable, talented, honest, etc. I’m a good person. And I almost forgot how great I was… I can’t believe I almost let this man control my life and change the way I think about myself.

Leaving him has changed my life around. I listen to music again, I have the itch to write again. I sing songs again. I smile now. I’ve become so strong and confident.

My advice to you:

If you’re in a relationship and you’re having doubts. Leave. Relationships are hard sometimes, but loving someone shouldn’t be hard. Love is supposed to come easily. If whoever you’re with puts you down and doesn’t support you and what you believe in. Leave him or her. It isn’t worth your time to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy. And if ever you are touched or hurt physically, you leave that person immediately. No ifs ands or buts. No matter how much he or she tells you they love you. You should never ever have to be hurt. (unless you’re into some weird sex stuff). Don’t let anyone lay a hand on you. If you’re having a hard time leaving a relationship, find someone you can trust. Get the help you need and leave that person. You’re worth it. Trust me, you are worth so much more than that.

 

 

The Humans by Matt Haig

the humansFor the first time in a long time, I was part of a book club to read this book. I had heard good things about it but never thought that I would love it as much as I actually did. As we started our reading, I figured I would read it at a steady pace so to not go too far ahead of my friends. But once it came to a certain part in the book, I was obsessed, I needed to finish it as soon as possible.

The Humans by Matt Haig is a story about a mathematician named Andrew Martin who solves one of the world’s most challenging math theories. The theory was so advanced that it caught the attention of alien life forms who then decided that it would be too much for the human race to handle. So they decide to take Andrew from his home and send down an alien who will look just like him in order to destroy all evidence that Andrew Martin did indeed solve the Riemann zeta function. The alien will have to go as far as kill anyone who knew about it too.

So basically this alien, gets sent to earth with little to no knowledge about humans. He doesn’t understand the concepts like clothing, the news, love, etc. And he’s supposed to act like Andrew in order to find the information he needs. To put it bluntly, he gets into a lot of trouble and it’s a miracle how nobody saw through his disguise. They claimed he was crazy.

Later on in the book, he communicates with his supervisor aliens and they continuously tell him to stay pure and focused on the task at hand but the new Andrew Martin gets carried away in all of the human’s emotions. He discovers he can feel things and see things in a way he never knew was possible.

This is one of those books that really makes you reflect on your own life and makes you think twice about the things that surround you. It’s true, humans are a selfish species who sometimes tend to care more about themselves instead of the thousands of other species on this planet, but we learn to love wholeheartedly and we can live passionate lives without worrying about out impending death that will soon take us all. Despite our flaws, we are beautiful, smart, strong and wise.

I would recommend this to anyone who’s looking for something new and fresh. It isn’t your average sap story yet it isn’t a hardcore sci-fi novel either. If you have the chance, read it. You won’t be disappointed.

10 out of 10

When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid

everything feels like the movies

I had to read this when I heard about all the controversy behind it. Apparently, there is a petition that has started to try and revoke it’s GG award. Members of the public claimed it to be ‘too graphic’ and ‘not appropriate for it’s targeted audience’.

When I heard this was a teen title, I immediately doubted¬†that it would be inappropriate. Not many people¬†actually realize what’s in some of the teen books. Sure it might say teen, but there’s a huge gap between a 13 year old and an 18 year old books. You can’t possibly tell me that you would treat those two age groups the exact same right? It’s impossible. Besides, with all the stuff kids are exposed to on the internet and on television, it’s hard to believe that they would not already know what’s in the books.

The book is about a boy named Jude. Jude is a gay teen who loves to wear heels and lipstick. He also believes he is destined for the a-list celebrity life. Despite the cruel comments and gestures people in his town make towards him, he takes it all as paparrazzi. It’s publicity to him because he’s addicted to attention and fame. If they’re talking about him, whether it be good or bad, at least it’s focused on him. Jude imagines his everyday¬†life as a movie or very dramatic reality show. His best friend, Angela gets around a lot (if you know what I mean) and together, they stir themselves the perfect storm which could end in the worst ways.

The book has a lot of sex, drama and drugs. The sexual content it also extremely graphic. Which, in my opinion might be the only thing that is setting people off about the book. I mean come on, many teenagers already know about all that stuff and it’s not like they aren’t used to crude language. You aren’t hiding them from anything. Now I wouldn’t be putting this into the hands of a 13 year old or anything but it’s fine for an older teen read.

Teens can also easily relate to this book¬†due to it’s current references to certain celebrities and social media tools like Twitter and Facebook. It’s also a really quick read, I read it in like 3 hours.

I honestly don’t see the problem though. This kind of setting happens a lot nowadays more than ever. People can’t just sensor this kind of stuff out of the lives of kids. They need to learn to accept it and respect it. Everyone can make their own choices in life so who are we to judge or decide what’s wrong or right.

I don’t believe this book deserves all the hate it’s getting. It’s a truly sad story about someone just simply looking for acceptance and love.

I’ll be giving this book a 6 out of 10.

Only because contemporary isn’t really my thing. I know a lot of people are really going to love it and some might not. I recommend you give it a try. And if you’re below the age of like 18… you’ve been warned.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

rosie projectWhen I heard Indigo was teaming up with this author to make a World’s Biggest Book Club out of this book, I thought, heck, why not. I had been wanting to read it for a while but just never took the time to pick it up. They were doing the book club because his second book was being released within the next few weeks. I read his book in 4 hours. I loved it so much, I just couldn’t put it down!

Don Tillman is a genetics professor who lives his life very strictly. Everything he does during the day is timed to the minute and he always uses his time in order to obtain maximum efficiency.

After doing some calculations and really pondering on the thought of happiness. He decides that he should be married. But in doing so, he has to find a wife. The thing is, Don never seems to get passed the first date. He decides to start the Wife Project.

He creates this questionnaire that he will give out to any woman that seems interested or who might be a good match. They have to fill out a lot of questions and the answers will decide if they are a perfect match or not. He has the idea in his head of who his perfect match would be and decides that he won’t settle for anything less.

That’s when he meets Rosie and she was basically the exact opposite of what he was looking for.

Both of them end up working together in order to figure out who Rosie’s father is, seeing as Don takes great interest in genetics, he seems to be the only one that can help her. They call it the Rosie Project. As all love stories go… you get the point.

This story was beautifully written and I just kept wanting to know how both projects would end. Would Don find the ideal woman? Would Rosie ever figure out who her father was? And as much as Don might have been a little different and very stubborn, you easily fall in love with the guy and you root for him throughout the story.

The story is light and a real feel-good read. I recommend it to people who regularly read adult fiction but want a different more comical love story with very individual characters.

I give this story a 10 out of 10.

You really need to read it! I also own the second book now and can’t wait to read it either!!! I need to know more!!!

Secrets – Mary Lambert

Just heard this on the radio earlier today. Thought it would be nice to share it with all of you! Everyone needs to learn to love and accept themselves a little more, am I right?  Enjoy. #imonlybeingme

My secrets: I’m scared of the unknown like death, space and oceans. I get lost in my thoughts and can miss entire conversations (no I’m not ignoring you, I just lose focus). I can’t stand the sound of ice scraping against ice, like taking something out of the freezer. I can’t kill bugs, ever.¬†I always sleep facing a wall and listening to something like music or ASMR videos. I can’t go downstairs alone at night due to some disturbing childhood nightmare. I’m an absolute wimp.

The Hundred-Foot Journey by Richard C. Morais

Eeekk! I loved this book so freakin’ much!

10 out of 10!

The Hundred-Foot Journey took me on such a rich and cultural journey that there was absolutely no part that I didn’t like. This book will make you feel the need to travel and eat good food.

The story is about the Haji family from India¬†that moves to France. They open an Indian restaurant right in front of¬†a very classic and very popular French one. The owner of the French restaurant, Madame Mallory, isn’t pleased with her new neighbors and so the fight begins. Hassan, the young man who cooks for Maison Mumbai¬†has an undying passion for food. After he discovers the flavors of French cooking, he wishes nothing more than to learn the fine art of French cuisine. He knows that Madame Malory would be the best teacher, but only if¬†she gets past their cultural differences.

The beautiful descriptions in this book kept me captivated and mesmerized from the first page all the way to the last.

Definitely a must read for anyone who has ever fallen in love with a culture and/or it’s food!

10 out of 10!!!

P.S. I saw the movie and no word of a lie, I thought it was better than the book! Which is saying something! GO WATCH IT PLEASE! Once it comes out on Blu-Ray you need to:

1. Grab a bunch of friends who love food and movies.

2. Cook a bunch of different French and Indian food! (e.i. appetizers, meals, desserts… etc) While listening to a playlist of French and Indian music. (maybe I’ll make one eventually)

3. Watch The Hundred-Foot Journey movie while eating the food and drinking really good wine!

4. PERFECT NIGHT RIGHT THERE!