I’m overwhelmed.

A lot has happened in the last few months. *chuckles* It feels like I lead with that line a lot, but honestly I’m a little overwhelmed with all of this.

In my latest update post, I made a confession that was hard to do. I thought, how do I bring something like that up? And to be truthful, it’s been difficult to admit it out loud.

I didn’t really notice or understand how badly the situation had affected me and it’s still very hard to talk about. It still feels very real. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see certain things the same way. Sometimes I’ll think of things or I’ll see things that just remind me of things I wish I could just forget about. It’s like a bruise that’ll hurt forever but for different reasons and at random times.

I hurt for others. I hurt for all of those who live through what I went through every day of their lives. I see things now in public or online and it hurts a lot. I hurt because I’m more nervous and anxious than usual. I still flinch in certain situations. I’m sensitive to certain topics or subjects. I don’t want to be, but I am. It’s all still very traumatic. And most of it is irrational.

I find myself reminding myself that I’m not living that kind of life anymore. Reassuring myself that whatever happened will never happen again. That I’m safe now. πŸ™‚ And I know all of this to be true, but it just hasn’t settled my anxiety yet.

But that’s not what’s overwhelming me the most. It’s not the sadness and anxiety, it’s the amount of happiness and joy that I’ve felt that’s what’s most overwhelming.

I learned to love again. Like really LOVE!

I’m seeing someone new. And he’s absolutely amazing. This guy encourages me to listen to music. Encourages me to just sit down and write. He’ll sing songs with me on the radio. He’s been the one to help me learn how to love again. He’s taught me how to love myself and everything that makes me, me. The amount of support and love he’s shown me has been overwhelming. I don’t even think he knows how much of a dream these last few weeks have been. He has not the slightest idea how much he’s helped me. There just aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am to have him around.

I regained my love of music. I listen to music in the car now. I also put on music while I’m by myself at home. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Like, I could honestly burst into tears. Joyful tears. Because, as I type this I’m sitting by myself listening to music. Something I had long forgotten how, or wasn’t allowed, to do. I had forgotten how to love music. How crazy is that? I’m shaking my head while re-reading it.

I’ve regained my love of writing. The ideas flow so smoothly out of my mind now. It was like I had a writer’s block that was so dense I never thought I’d write again. A blank page was so daunting. Now a blank page is a challenge, it’s so much just waiting to written out. All these ideas that I’ve had on the back burners in my mind are bursting through and my brain wants to write it all out. Get these stories out there fast!

And all of this freaks me out. I went from a point so low in my life to this! Within just a couple months. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before. My friends and family have been such a great support group. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I am just so, so grateful.

I’d like to thank my mom who came over for my birthday. It was a short visit but it was so perfect. My mother is one of my biggest inspirations and having her around helped me survive this huge event in my life. Also, a giant shout out to Heather. She’s been by my side through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Girl, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU! .

To all my friends and family, you’ve all saved me. I am so thankful for having all of you in my life.

Gah, I know, I know. So serious, so deep. I’ll stop now. I’m making myself cry from being so darn happy. Sheesh. ❀

Summer Favorites 2015

wpid-wp-1438295569538.jpgIt’s been really hot these last few days. Like way hotter than anything I’m used to back on the island. I’m kind of missing the cool ocean breeze right about now. But hey, it’s summer! What did you expect? As I’m sitting here by my fan, listening to the cicadas outside, I thought it would be a great idea to post my favorite items that I’ve been into this summer.

So first on the list is my personal recommendation for a summer read, Me Before You by Jojo Moyes in one of my favorite books. It’s about a young woman who gets hired as a caretaker for a quadriplegic man, it was honestly such an amazing book. Perfect for your cottage weekend getaway or if you’reΒ just tanning out in the sun!

Derek recently bought me Captain Toad for the Wii U and it’s such a great game! Each level is like a puzzle and Captain Toad has to find the stars but he isn’t capable of jumping so you need to rotate the map and move things around in order to complete each one. Though some levels are tricky and very frustrating, it’s a perfect way to unwind.

Next on my list is a Brumisateur by Evian. Basically it’s a water based facial spray that you will never regret buying. Basically if you’re at the beach, park, lake and you feel kind of sticky and gross just spray a bit on and it’ll cool you right off, without taking all your makeup off. (I recommend this for people who have weddings in the summer, don’t wanna look all nasty for those photos)

Though a cold shower would be nice right now, I still love taking baths late at night no matter how hot it is. I’ve always wanted to try LUSH beauty products but just never had the time or money to get any, but I finally made my way to one a couple weeks ago and ended up getting a few bath products for myself. The bath bombs are amazing. Like seriously, I feel like a queen while taking a bath with one of those bad boys. The one in the picture is Phoenix Rising which is a mixture of spicy apple and cinnamon. And I believe, now don’t quote me on this, but this bath bomb is going to be discontinued so now’s a good time to try one out if you haven’t already.

My favorite summer snack is obviously cherries. Actually I love all berries in the summer but I find the cherries are the ones I tend to gravitate to the most. The other berries in my fridge get a little neglected. Some people say the pits are just a pain, but they’re so delicious and good for you with their powerful antioxidants. But don’t eat too many too fast, your stomach won’t like you for it.

And how could this list be complete without a candle. The one I just bought from Bath and Body Works is called Pink Apple Punch. It’s amazing and smells just like candy or a freezie. I light this puppy up all the time and I might even buy myself a second one just in case the scent goes away forever. I definitely recommend these candles, the aroma fills my whole apartment up!

Oh also, not featured in this list is Spotify! Which I didn’t even realise was available in Canada, so please check it out. There are some great playlists for any time of the day or any kind of mood.

So there you have it, my list of Summer Favorites 2015. I hope you enjoyed the post and I hope you get a chance to try some of these products out!

Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA F 2nd

My boyfriend recently bought me this game for the PS3 on a whim while I was visiting him in Buffalo at the beginning of this month. I’ve always likes Vocaloids so I was pretty surprised when I saw this game. Also, this is the second version of the game, there was a first and I never even knew about it.

miku game name

For those of you who might not know what Vocaloids are, they are Japanese computer programs that you can create music with. Each character has a different kind of voice which you can manipulate to go along with music and you can create pretty amazing songs. They are a little robotic, and mostly in Japanese but I think they’re fantastic. Hatsune Miku is the most iconic voice of all the different Vocaloids. Here’s a video of one of her most popular songs to give you all an idea of what I’m talking about.

Back to the game now… Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA F 2nd is a musical rhythm game. It’s very similar to Dance Dance Revolution except you don’t use the play mat. You just need to press the buttons on the controller at the right time. Which sounds simple enough except the notes don’t just fall down in one direction, they come from all sides of the screen and it can get very complicated. Like this image:

miku gameplay 2Like seriously, what is happening here? Overall though, I’m really enjoying the game so far. I can’t get to the Hard level yet but with practice… Most of the songs on the game I’ve never even heard of before so it makes the game even harder if you don’t know what the beats are but after a few tries, we almost always pass the level. It demands serious hand eye coordination and with the music videos playing in the background, it’s hard to stay concentrated!Β miku gameplaySo if you’re looking for a challenging rhythm game and like Vocaloids, this game is for you! There’s a lot of things to unlock for your characters and a ‘house’ you can customize. This is a great game, that I think many people could appreciate, if they like this kind of music. Also, Luka’s chibi character is so friggen’ cute.

luka octopus